“Ah, 007, we’ve been expecting you”
William of Ockham turned slowly and looked in the direction of the all too familiar voice.
“This is my new pet”, exclaimed the evil-looking individual, as he stroked the furry monstrosity on his lap. “Ugly brute isn’t it? It’s a Zucker rat, bred for obesity rather than good looks. I can think of many a Pharma organisation that would be better off if it were to replace its Senior Pharma Fellows with some of these. MI5 killed my cat, you know.”
Ockham managed a wry smile. Q had ingeniously packaged an equine-sized dose of tetrodotoxin into a feline-sized vitamin tablet. “A bad case of the Torsades, it would seem. I hope it didn’t hERG too much”.
“Come now, 007, enough of this scurvy jest. I can’t believe that you know that little about ion channels and the alkali metals. But we have more important matters to discuss before I eliminate you once and for all. I have the perfect plan and you and those meddlesome half-wits at naval intelligence will be powerless to stop me”.
“We’ve heard that before, Blofeld. Last time, weren’t you going to reverse the flow of The Gulf Stream using a Support Vector Machine?”
“Touché, 007. I have to admit that plan was pathologically flawed. We failed to take account of the fact that the Support Vector Machine was so closely associated with that pseudo-scientific psychobabble called Bioinformatics that nobody took our threat seriously. But it will be different this time.”
“They all say that”, replied Ockham. Every time they had introduced a new Leadership Paradigm at Naval Intelligence, the management consultants would insist that it would different from all the other times, that it wasn’t an initiative, per absurdum, ad nauseum…
“This time, 007, it will truly be different. Allow me to introduce you to Random Forest”.
Ockham felt slightly apprehensive at the prospect of facing this unfamiliar new opponent, especially as he recalled the occasion when Q had insisted that he swap his trusty Beretta for a….
“For fuck sakes, Q, what am I supposed to do with this stupid razor?”
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3 comments:
That's actually pretty good. Mr. Bond, I expect you to undergo homolytic fission.
That's actually pretty good. Mr. Bond, I expect you to undergo homolytic fission.
I really should do a post on thermodynamics sometime. It does seem rather excellent sport.
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